Have you ever been in a stage of life that someone around you just couldn’t wait to be in? All you wanted to do was warn them “enjoy where you are at, ____ has its hard times too”? Or the more fatalistic remark of, ”be careful what you wish for”? I have heard (and said myself) these warnings from married people to single people, parents to their friends without kids, old people to young, etc. It’s funny how we love to romanticize and dream about other people’s lives (on both sides) and we get so caught up in comparison that we become frustrated and discontent with whatever season we are in.

I am definitely guilty of that when I see all my friends and family who have children. It is so easy to compare myself to them, to wish for what they have. I am always struck by how quickly those thoughts of comparison take root and start to suck me dry. First they take my peace, then my joy, then my love, and then my hope. How quickly a thought of discontent can spiral downward into despair when I feed into it.

You will grow what you dwell on. Don’t allow those thoughts to grow roots in your heart.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”

– Jesus (Luke 12:34 ESV)

What I love about Jesus is how totally unaffected he is by the pressure of the crowd and people’s expectations of him. I think I love this so much because people-pleasing is a great weakness of mine. I also am intensely competitive which is opposite of what we see of the life of Jesus and how he interacted with people around him. Jesus shows us through his life how thankfulness combats this pull in our hearts to compare, compete, and strive for people’s good opinions. When we are thankful we have to lay down our pride and thinking we accomplished things on our own or lay down our sense of being entitled to something. When I am thankful, I am choosing to see life and everything in it as a gift rather that what is owed. I begin to see beauty in the small things. I see the blessing in my strengths (and yes, even my weaknesses, though its hard for me to say that) and in how God has already worked in my life.

Thankfulness is getting our eyes off of ourselves and others and onto God.

Without God I would have had no hope in the season of infertility. It would’ve broken me already.

With God, I have learned to not only have hope but to be thankful for all I am learning in this season. That doesn’t mean it is easy! My goodness, just the other day I cried angry tears because of God answering prayers of a friend – I was so jealous that God gave them what they asked for and here I am still waiting. That’s terrible, I know, but that’s real. I am thankful that God is compassionate and walks through those ugly emotions with me. I am thankful that He made us complex beings who can feel more than one emotion at a time. By this I mean that we can be joyful and thankful and still be saddened by a situation we are in. I am thankful for all I am learning about God and myself during this time. I love all the adventures (and sleep) I can have while not having kids and I can still be sad and mourn my childless state. However, I cannot be stuck in a spiral of comparison and bitterness and walk in thankfulness or hope. Either my god is what I want in life (children, power, fame, money, popluarity, acceptance, knowledge) OR God is my god. You will serve what you worship and you worship what you dwell on, what you value.

Today I am choosing to fight the poison of comparison with the simplicity of taking my eyes off myself and looking to God in thankfulness.

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